When I was growing up, “bum” was a bad word, for which you could get your mouse, um, mouth washed out with soap. Now they put it on little bottles of barrier cream for babies. Oh dear. A bad word has escaped into common use. Now, the point is, the wife was at the hospital with the new kid, and was changing the kid’s nappy. This necessarily implies singing the nappy song. This here nappy changing song was quite a hit with all the nurses and other mommies. An appreciative audience of three means that someone out there on the very weird Internet will like it. So, without further delay, here are the lyrics of The Bum Cream Song, to the tune of “We All Stand Together”.
Bum, bum cream, Bum, bum cream
Bum cream is what makes our child’s name here scream
Bum, bum cream
Bum, bum cream
He screams for his bum cream (bum bum)Aai, yaai yaai, yaai yaai yaai yaai yaai
Screaming through half of the night (b b b bum bum cream)
Aai, yaai yaai, yaai yaai yaai yaai yaai
Is he all right?
Won’t he keep quiet!?Bum, bum cream (nappy rash!), Bum, bum cream (nappy rash!)
Bum cream is what makes our child’s name here scream (nappy rash!)
Bum, bum cream (nappy rash!)
Bum, bum cream (nappy rash!)
He screams for his bum cream (nappy rash!)He screams
Solo by child
for
Solo by child
his bum cream! (Bum bum bum bum bum cream!)
This is Africa. We don’t have diapers here. We have nappies. It’s the same stuff, actually. Speaking of nappies, this is the other nappy song … to the tune of “Time to Say Goodbye”
Time to …. change your nappy ….
If we change your nappy, you will be happy,
Be happy be happy be .. happy!
It’s time to change your …(bridge)
It is time to change your nappy so that you can be ha–ppy.
If we change your nappy you will be, you will be oh so very happy, happy, happy(Change key, like Andrea Bocelli)
Time to …. change your nappy ….
If we change your nappy, you will be happy,
Be happy be happy be .. happy!
It’s time to change your nappy.
When we started, as inexperienced nappy changers, we sang through the song a few times to get the thing changed. Later, we finished the job before finishing the song. Here is how to do it:
- Begin singing song
- Remove old nappy and poo in one go
- Zap in new nappy to catch drips
- Clean up remaining mess
- Apply bum cream
- For new babies, clean the unbiblical cord
- Finish song, with solo parts by child
