How to change the oil on your car

I changed the oil in my car. Not only that, but I also changed the air filter and spark plugs. It was great. Here is how you do it.

You will need the following supplies. Most of these are readily available at good retail outlets:

These are the steps you take:

Place a bowl under the sump.
Use a size 19 spanner to remove the sump plug. Note with satisfaction how the oil drains into the bowl.
Take off the old oil filter by punching a hole in it with a screwdriver, and put on the new oil filter – only hand tight, as per the instructions.
While the oil drains, put in the new air filter.
Take out the old spark plugs and put in the new ones. (Is that oil on plug number 4? I wonder if scraping away the muck on the outside of the plug will make it seat better?)
Answer the phone and do stuff.
Tip out decomposing stuff into the compost heap.
Put in the new oil. This takes most of one of the cans of oil, so you can do what I did and pour most of the can of oil into the engine. Don’t forget to put the engine cap back on.
Finish putting in the spark plugs – being careful not to tighten them too tight.
Look under the car, and discover that the new oil has drained through the engine. Put in the sump plug with a size 19 spanner.
Find some more oil and fill up the engine.
Check the price tag on the oil: R156.00.
Move the car, and bring the building sand in the wheelbarrow, and spread the sand so that it absorbs the oil. Find places around the garden where you don’t want grass to grow, and distribute the oily sand there. When you move the car, if you have one available, you can park the car under a shady tree, where well-fed birds rest, to relieve themselves during the heat of the day.

You may find that by improvising, you can do without the wheelbarrow. I need a permanent marker to write something about this on my forehead.