When I was growing up, “bum” was a bad word, for which you could get your mouse, um, mouth washed out with soap. Now they put it on little bottles of barrier cream for babies. Oh dear. A bad word has escaped into common use. Now, the point is, the wife was at the hospital with the new kid, and was changing the kid’s nappy. This necessarily implies singing the nappy song. This here nappy changing song was quite a hit with all the nurses and other mommies. An appreciative audience of three means that someone out there on the very weird Internet will like it. So, without further delay, here are the lyrics of The Bum Cream Song, to the tune of “We All Stand Together”.<\/p>\n
Bum, bum cream, Bum, bum cream
\nBum cream is what makes our child’s name here<\/em> scream
\nBum, bum cream
\nBum, bum cream
\nHe screams for his bum cream (bum bum)<\/em><\/p>\nAai, yaai yaai, yaai yaai yaai yaai yaai
\nScreaming through half of the night (b b b bum bum cream)<\/em>
\nAai, yaai yaai, yaai yaai yaai yaai yaai
\nIs he all right?
\nWon’t he keep quiet!?<\/p>\nBum, bum cream (nappy rash!), Bum, bum cream (nappy rash!)<\/em>
\nBum cream is what makes our child’s name here<\/em> scream (nappy rash!)<\/em>
\nBum, bum cream (nappy rash!)<\/em>
\nBum, bum cream (nappy rash!)<\/em>
\nHe screams for his bum cream (nappy rash!)<\/em><\/p>\nHe screams
\nSolo by child<\/em>
\nfor
\nSolo by child<\/em>
\nhis bum cream! (Bum bum bum bum bum cream!)<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\nThis is Africa. We don’t have diapers here. We have nappies. It’s the same stuff, actually. Speaking of nappies, this is the other nappy song … to the tune of “Time to Say Goodbye”<\/p>\n
Time to …. change your nappy ….
\nIf we change your nappy, you will be happy,
\nBe happy be happy be .. happy!
\nIt’s time to change your …<\/p>\n(bridge)<\/em>
\nIt is time to change your nappy so that you can be ha–ppy.
\nIf we change your nappy you will be, you will be oh so very happy, happy, happy<\/ul>\n(Change key, like Andrea Bocelli)<\/em>
\nTime to …. change your nappy ….
\nIf we change your nappy, you will be happy,
\nBe happy be happy be .. happy!
\nIt’s time to change your nappy.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nWhen we started, as inexperienced nappy changers, we sang through the song a few times to get the thing changed. Later, we finished the job before finishing the song. Here is how to do it:<\/p>\n
\n
- Begin singing song<\/li>\n
- Remove old nappy and poo in one go<\/li>\n
- Zap in new nappy to catch drips<\/li>\n
- Clean up remaining mess<\/li>\n
- Apply bum cream<\/li>\n
- For new babies, clean the unbiblical cord<\/li>\n
- Finish song, with solo parts by child<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When I was growing up, “bum” was a bad word, for which you could get your mouse, um, mouth washed out with soap. Now they put it on little bottles of barrier cream for babies. Oh dear. A bad word … Continue reading