The Elephant in the Room
(or “Evidence is supposed to be real”)
From: The National Zoological Gardens Education Committee
To: All Staff
Subject: ELEPHANTS
As you are aware approximately 60% of all people that visit this zoo do not accept the theory of elephants. They believe that the theory elephants is without adequate foundation, and are entirely unconvinced by the masses of academic literature on the subject of elephants. We do not know the precise reason for this, but we think that it is something to do with religion.
Our institution cannot survive without the financial support of the public. Since 60% of the public are reluctant to donate money for the feeding and care of mythical creatures, it is necessary that we educate our visitors about the truth about the existence of elephants. If we reduce the number of elephant doubters in society, this will, among other things, ensure a steady stream of money into our coffers, and the timely payment of your salary.
As of today, we are adopting the following approach to eliminate doubts about elephants:
- We have added clear signs on the zoo pathways, so that it is now possible to find your way to the elephant enclosure without assistance. These signs bear the word “ELEPHANTS”, and a arrow. Similar to other signs on the premises, the arrow points in the direction of the enclosure.
- Our new zoo map clearly indicates the location of the elephant enclosure. A graphic designer has reviewed our original design, and added the word “ELEPHANTS” to it, so that the location of the elephant enclosure is more obvious.
- The elephant enclosure is not surrounded by high walls, but a ditch. This allows visitors to clearly see the elephants. This has always been the case, but we mention it for completeness.
- All of the hiding places for elephants have been removed, including the smaller trees and poles that have at times partially obscured the public’s view. We do not want to leave any room for elephant doubters!
Do not simply point anyone who asks about the elephants in the right direction. Please accompany them in person, and make sure that they get to see an elephant for themselves!
Don’t despair! During our piloting of this approach, we have had wonderful success. Without exception, each person who was able to see the elephants understood that they had been mistaken, and that their doubts about elephants were misplaced. Some of the comments we have received include these:
- “Oh, okay.”
- “You know, there are such convincing arguments against elephants, but I suppose that seeing one with your own eyes just blows that all away. So much for my membership of the anti-elephant movement!”
- “I’m going to tell all my friends about elephants.”
- “Oh, that big thing over there. Isn’t that a rock? Oh wait, I suppose rocks don’t move like that.”
Please support our campaign to promote elephants!
Yours sincerely,
John Watters
Zoo Education
ps. Please ensure that all elephants have their batteries changed on a regular basis.
